People everywhere seek out others to vent and complain, often seeking a hearing ear whether it be in business, in their professional lives or personal relationships. Even in a new environment, my daily conversations involve being a hearing ear, giving advice and coaching others.
Often I get asked how do I do it? How do I give advice? For years the answer was I don’t think I do give advice, for most part I just listen to people and ask the odd question or two. Then, a couple of years ago Brendan Burchard identified the keys to giving great advice – these keys hit the nail on the head for me. These five keys identified exactly what works for me.
How do you give great advice? How do you listen to people, and help them?
1. PRESENT: Presence is everything, in every relationship we have, whether in your career, business or personal life. When someone comes to you, all fired up, be present.
- Really connect with them.
- Focus on what they are saying and not saying.
- Remain fully focused and fully energized.
2. ACKNOWLEDGE: Don’t tell them how to feel. Instead of trying to “fix them” or “transform” how they feel, listen to them and acknowledge their emotional reality.
3. QUESTION: Don’t ask questions so you get it, ask questions so they get it!
- Ask questions to help them figure out whats going on.
- Ask questions to engage them.
- Elicit their perspective, how they really feel and what they really think.
4. PERSPECTIVE: It has taken me a while to get this one. People do not want the answer! Even if they tell you they do. What they really want is perspective. They want options and choices. Your job is to offer perspective based on your view of the world, what you have gone through or what others have done in the same situation. Offer your perspective, let them make their own choice.
5. TELL THEM: As a last resort – give them a solution. When they ask, just tell it straight. “Here’s what I would do”. The more uncertain and unsure they are – the more certain and direct you are. Without being pushy and cocky, be confident in what you are saying and they will become more confident in themselves to make the right choice.
It’s a privilege to be able to help others, to give them perspective and choices. It is so rewarding when they come back in a completely different place, with a totally different frame of mind having made the choice and taken action. Very powerful!
Everyone needs advice at sometime.
How can you empower others?